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Dott.ssa MORENA PEGGI Psicologa e Psicoterapeuta,

 Terapeuta Practitioner EMDR, Mediatrice Familiare

Studio di Psicologia Clinica e Forense

"Il benessere viene

dalla mente"

Blog

Blog

LA COPPIA E L'INDIVIDUALITA'; uno strano equilibrio

Pubblicato il 16 giugno 2014 alle 00.30


La coppia, soprattutto nelle prime fasi nell'innamoramento, si esprime molto spesso con frasi come “voglio vivere ogni istante con lui/lei” “senza di lui/lei non sono niente”. E' accertato che vivere la dimensione del legame attribuendo all'altro/a un potere salvifico possa, a poco a poco, far perdere il proprio senso dell' IO, la propria autostima, il proprio senso di individualità.

La coppia può perdersi nell'essere tale fino quasi a identificarsi totalmente in questo legame e perdere ogni senso di individuo funzionante anche al di fuori della dimensione coppia e, in casi estremi, arrivando a delineare i contorni di una coppia patologica.

Come Erich Fromm, psicologo tedesco, ben evidenzia “in contrasto con l’unione simbiotica, l’amore maturo significa unione a condizione di preservare la propria integrità, la propria individualità.” Questo è sostanzialmente il punto di equilibrio, per così dire il segreto, occorre comprendere, sin dal primo momento, che nelle relazioni è necessario conservare tre poli interconnessi: la coppia e le individualità.

In questo le leggi della fisica (e della natura) ci vengono in aiuto. Occorre immaginare il movimento dei pianeti e le leggi gravitazionali. Tra una coppia di pianeti occorre una perfetta coordinazione di energie affinchè possano muoversi in sincronia senza invadere le orbite altrui pena la possibile collisione e distruzione.

Come evitare un rapporto totalizzante?

Beh per esempio ricordandoci che l'incontro con l'altro avviene, nella fase iniziale, quando si è singoli individui ed è proprio questa unicità che attrae l'altro, quindi è importante conservare sempre e non rinunciare mai a quegli elementi che ci rendono unici.

La coppia è sana se vista come arricchimento, potenziamento, completamento, l’altro ci completa non ci sovrasta o annulla, anzi mette in evidenza ed amplifica le nostre peculiarità.

Bisogna quindi resistere alla tentazione di adattare la nostra personalità a come lui/lei vuole che noi siamo perché così è inevitabile che si inneschi una bomba ad orologeria che col tempo è destinata a scoppiare.

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